This week we learned about divorce.

Here are some highlights:

Processes of divorce:

*emotional separation *Separate *legal divorce *economic separation

*co-parental *community separation *psychic 

Predictors of divorce:

*divorce is seen as a solution *emotional instability *lack of effective model *children's needs not met *high level of anxiety (less confident in marriage) 

Protections from divorce: *learn to solve problem *dating properly (if you're not ready for marriage-then you shouldn't be dating exclusively) *avoid attachment *open communication with spouse *avoid blaming

Parenting

"Happiness isn't something that happens~we create it!" "Parenting is truly the greatest opportunity to become like our Heavenly Father".

What is the purpose of parenting and who is affected?
-Our ultimate purpose in parenting is to become like our Heavenly Father.
-Parenting affects children's learning development.
- Both the parents and children learn to love.
-Parenting provides children with prepatory experiences.
-Children lean to be skilled workers and contribute to the overall family.
-Helps with psychological skills.

Patterns of Parenting:
1.) Authoritarian: A lot of direction but not much choice.
2.) Authoritative: Be active instead of re-active (proactive).
3.) Permissive: That permits . . . allowing freedom . . .lenient.

There are several values parents can teach children:

1.) Character
2.) Courage: Do the right thing even if it's against others views. To give heart/strengthen the heart.
3.) Responsability: The ability to respond to opportunities/challenges.
4.) Cooperation: To work together.
5.) Respect: To hold an esteem.

Who owns the problem? (Who's affected/ concerned) Parents or the children?
How we can handle day-to-day problems:
(Parents)
-Make a polite request when a problem arises. (i.e."Could you please help me pick up your toys?" or "Hey! Thanks for all your help today! Give me five!") This is a sign of respect for one another.
-Firm reminder
-Use logical consequences.
(Children)
-Allow for natural consequences. It helps children develop and learn.
-There are three instances when natural consequences should be regulated:
1.) the situation is too dangerous.
2.) Too far in the future.
3.) Don't let the teaching of natural consequences affect someone else.

Random Thoughts:
-Parents are to provide encouragement.  Always provide support.
-Notice children's efforts rather than focus on their failures.
-Pay close attention to the children's feedback.
- Rather than focus on misbehavior, focus on needs.
-Contact helps with belonging. If contact isn't met, people seek for undue attention.
"You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need can never be satisfying". (Leaves people to do outlandish things).

Living Within Your Means

Can I just say I LOVE this class. It has been a rewarding and worthwhile course I will never regret taking. Brother Williams does a wonderful job in effective teaching and involving everyone.

This week we learned about finances and its influence on the family, and vise versa. We covered the history of work and the family since Adam and Eve to this day. Back in the day work was a lifestyle which was a family endeavor that involved EVERYONE in the family. It was not just mom doing all the household chores; rather the children were involved with the usual tasks we so easily avoid today. There is SO much I want to write about--but due to time I will only highlight several important points covered.

How can we teach children early the importance of working and earning?

-Chores (the children help contribute) How could we best communicate this value to strengthen the family?
-Family unity comes from saving TOGETHER. (i.e. a family trip). This is something we're sharing opposed to this is just for you.
-Have your children make their own purchases from money they have worked for and saved. It will be of greater value and they'll appreciate more because they worked for it, rather than it just being handed to them. It teaches them the importance of work.
-Practice budgeting NOW. There is greater trust when we work in the boundaries we've set (budget).

There is a wonderful book titled, "One for the Money--a Guide to Family Finance" by Elder Marvin J. Ashton. A great resource for family budgeting. Here is a list of some great principles covered in the book"

1.) Pay an honest tithing.
2.) Learn to manage money before it manages you.
3.) Learn self-discipline and self-restraint in money matters.
4.) Use a budget.
5.) Teach family members early the importance of working and earning.
6.) Teach children to make money decisions in keeping with their capacities to comprehend.
7.) Teach each family member to contribute to the total family welfare.
8.) Make education a continuing process.
9.) Work toward home ownership.
10.) Appropriately involve yourself in an insurance program.
11.) Understand the influence of external forces on family finances and investments.
12.) Appropriately involve yourself in a food storage and emergency preparedness program.

Other notes from this week:
-"Don't live like a ten dollar bill, when in reality you are only a one dollar bill".
-A budget brings security.
-Create a budget-Put cash in envelopes (you tend to be more conservative with what you spend).
-Work together. It builds quality relationships. It is a time to teach and learn together. 

Communication is Key

“Christlike communications are expressed in tones of love rather than loudness. They are intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. They tend to bind us together rather than to drive us apart. They tend to build rather than to belittle . . . Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation. They are spoken with clarity and not with confusion. They may be tender or they may be tough, but they must always be tempered" ~ Elder L. Lionel Kendrick of the Seventy

What do we need to do to communicate our ideas/feelings? There are several factors to consider:
When we have ideas/feelings we wish to communicate to someone, we must first encode our message. Encoding means "to put a message into code"
The encoded message is taken and conveyed through what is known as the medium/media; better known as words, tone, gesture, facial expression, posture, proximity, actions.
The individual you are communicating with must then decode the ideas/feelings being expressed through the medium/media.

Some interesting facts to keep in mind:

• Messages are conveyed through: 

          Words: 14%
          Tone: 35%
          Non-Verbal: 51%

•  If there's a conflict with tone & word, then we usually believe the tone. 
• We fail to communicate when we:

-Don't smile with our eyes.
-Look at/talk to someone differently than with another individual.
- Posture (folding arms)
-Little use of words (i.e. "Fine", "Whatever", "Sure", "Okay")

Communication takes time and effort. As we carefully use more media/medium in our communications, the greater the interpretation and understanding there will be. There is clarity and allows for opportunities to practice and better our communications with others.

• How can I be a better communicator? 

Council. (Discuss consensus rather than compromise)
Speak openly.
Be frank.  

Good things come from challenges

Resilience: "Springing back into shape, recovering strength, spirits quickly" (Webster's New World Dictionary, p. 509).

As children of God, we have been placed into loving families--with parents and siblings who are there to support and love us. Throughout our life here on Earth, we will come upon stressful experiences which can lead to increased anxiety and worry for the future well being of the family. At some point in our life we may ask, "Why do we need to experience crisis in our life? Why can't life be stress free?" Because we have a Heavenly Father who loves us SO much~He created difficulties so that we might rise above our natural tendencies and rise to our divine potential. There is nothing Heavenly Father will make us go through that is beyond our capacity to bear. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "But God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it". We can put our trust in His son, Jesus Christ, to help  us when we cannot do it on our own.
         If we practice resilience, we will become more confident and comfortable when stress hits. We need to learn to let our children struggle and manage through some challenges on their own. They may feel stretched and find it impossible, but they will learn. We want our children to learn and not fully rely on others for help. There are going to be "pre-stress" events that will happen on a regular basis in your family. It is by going through these experiences, (scripture study/prayer), that brings stress but in outcome brings us together. "The best coping is not getting through it, but getting better". At times, we may experience what is known as "pile-up" crisis, which is when crisis upon crisis hits. Making it unpleasant, BUT good things come from it. Stress can allow for us to draw together and cope with one another--making it a positive and strong outcome. As we use stress as an opportunity, our experiences strengthen our capacity to face greater challenges down the road. What many fail to recognize is that there are plenty of resource to draw from when facing a crisis. Whether you know it or not, YOU have the resources to make it work. Learn to be wise and notice the resources you can draw from. Apply these resources. When we fail to do so, it's like having a huge amount of money in the bank, and not knowing it's there! Don't be like that. Think smart! Here are some possible resources my class and I came up with:
-The Priesthood
-Education
-Experience
-Good memories/Positive recollection of relationship
-Coping ahead. Anticipate challenges and make decisions to pull together resources.
-Faith, prayer, fasting.
-Back up fund
-Food storage/Bishop's store house
-Humor
-Humanitarian aid
-Family/Friends

Here is a good formula that can help amid crisis:

Actual events--different outcomes but similar events
Both resources and responses
Cognition-The way we think of the crisis, at present and in the future.
---------------
Xperience 

{Recognize that these challenges are not an opportunity to stumble/fall, but are opportunities to progress.}

Be mindful. Be aware of thoughts in your mind.
Choose how YOU will react to these stressful situations.
Ask yourself:
*Does the experience define me, or do I define the experience?

Learn the answers of Life's greatest Questions:
1.) Where did we come from?
2.) Why are we here?
3.) And where do we go after we leave this life?
https://www.lds.org/topics/plan-of-salvation/our-eternal-life/video?lang=eng

"There is a great difference between love and lust. Pure love yields happiness and engenders trust. It is the foundation of eternal joy. Lust will destroy that which is enriching and beautiful" ~Elder Richard G. Scott